Anyone in a “blended situation” deal with this crap?

Discussion in 'The Duck Hunters Forum' started by seiowa, May 13, 2018.

  1. buck_master_2001

    buck_master_2001 Elite Refuge Member

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    I understand what you are saying and even agree with you. The thing is there is no set formula that is perfect. It doesn’t take anything else into consideration which sucks. However, they treat everyone’s situation the same and that seems to be the main problem. After talking with many dads the issues seem to be giving the money to the mom and not knowing where it’s going as opposed to not wanting to support their kids. I used to get mad about jr but then I realized there’s nothing I can do about it and it is what it is. It’s not worth getting upset about when you have zero control of the situation.
     
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  2. num70

    num70 Elite Refuge Member

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    The system is not infallible because there's no practical way to make it such. If there is no mechanism in place to extract money from the sperm donor, do you really suspect that half of these "men" would pay a dime? Secondly, there are WAY more tools in place today to prevent the type of scenario you're describing. 50/50 custody is becoming the norm. How many guys complaining about "the system" do you think actually petitioned to courts for joint (50/50) custody? Answer: Not many because they didn't want it.

    Nobody gets into this game without knowing the rules. The court's rulings have notoriously been in favor of the woman. Been that way since anyone on this board has been alive but that's finally starting to change. Conversely, enforcement has been notoriously lax. That also is starting to change. But none of these factors changes the game. If you make the kid, this is one of the potential outcomes. You're going to be responsible for that kid one way or the other. And for all those that say, "well I didn't want the kid anyway" a) pull out and b) it's a whole lot easier to write a check than to raise a kid.
     
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  3. KENNEDY63

    KENNEDY63 Elite Refuge Member

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    Pretty much nails it.......but it is actually three times.

    The money that you pay in child support is used for medical and activities, which in turn you have to pay for typically half of that again on top of child support.
     
    Last edited: May 15, 2018 at 11:31 AM
  4. warrenwaterfowler

    warrenwaterfowler Senior Refuge Member

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    If I was you, I'd run for the hills. This woman has already destroyed one man's life and you're next.
     
  5. seiowa

    seiowa Elite Refuge Member

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    I've got a relative who's a divorce lawyer, and he contends a lot more than you think, just because they want to "win", especially if the split is the wife's idea.

    Isn't this the problem with almost every law, government, municipality, company, policy, etc? There simply will never be the resources in terms of case workers, attorneys, time, agency, and money to view all divorce/child support issues on a case-by-case basis. I do agree with you though that there should be some level of accountability/transparency on what is done with the payments. I DON"T think just cuz an ex wife marries well, that bio dad should just say he shouldn't pay in. Hell, I'd feel like I had a pea-sized sack if I willingly fought to have some other dude pay to raise my kids. Folks ought to pay what they fairly well can, and if the ex married well? At least maybe you can talk to her about putting it into a college fund, downpayment for a house someday, purchase a car fund, etc. I don't think I'd ever argue in favor of paying nothing just cuz the ex married a doctor or something.
     
  6. KENNEDY63

    KENNEDY63 Elite Refuge Member

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    Sure there is.

    Each parent provides money AND an expense listing to a third party who administers the escrow for the kids. That way, there is oversight on how the funds are spent.

    Better yet, get rid of no fault divorce.

    You know of any other contract that can be unilaterally breached where the breaching party is paid post-breach?
     
  7. buck_master_2001

    buck_master_2001 Elite Refuge Member

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    I was not allowed to have join physical custody because they said a kid deserves to have a “permanent home”. I have joint legal custody. Getting joint physical custody is very very hard for a man.

    I completely understand the point of child support. There are many “dad’s” out there that wouldn’t be providing squat in financial terms if it wasn’t in place. The issue is they treat everyone the same. That’s the part that I don’t agree with.
     
  8. KENNEDY63

    KENNEDY63 Elite Refuge Member

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    Sure. Pay for the half kid. But then 50/50 custody should be the starting point, not the end point to be fought for. Create accountability within the system so that the funds going from one ex spouse to the other ex spouse are actually used on the child. Easy deal. Fix the system relative to financial accountability, and (IMO) a lot of these purported "dead beat dad" problems go away.

    Our divorce system was created when (generally) the man made the bread and the woman stayed home. The economic times have changed, and the system hasn't kept up.
     
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  9. buck_master_2001

    buck_master_2001 Elite Refuge Member

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    Not paying nothing but paying less when the system is setup to merely look at your income vs her income and the number of overnights you have. That’s what I’m getting at. Then again, a good woman in that situation wouldn’t rape the father of theirnkid over if they were in that situation.
     
  10. buck_master_2001

    buck_master_2001 Elite Refuge Member

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    Here’s a fine example that happened just last week. My ex had her 3rd kid and had been off work on maternity leave. My daughter had 5th grade camp. My ex asked me if I wanted to help pay for it since she hadn’t now gotten a paycheck in 6 weeks. I kindly reminded her that although I understand that sucks that is not my problem and I already pay you for my daughter so that shouldn’t be an issue. She naturally got a little pissed but I also reminded her that I paid for two summer camps and I’m paying for her travel softball weekend out of state in which neither of that have I asked you for help. I told her that If it’s a matter of her not going I’ll help but her not getting a paycheck in 6 weeks because of her new kid is NOT my problem. So where exactly is my CS going is all I could think about after that situation.
     
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